Anyone else have hardly any contact with family?

Lissie

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Jan 18, 2016
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Not horsey but just wondering if anyone else has minimal contact with family and how they cope with it?

I have hardly any contact with close family, I haven't seen my Mum since early February and my brother since December. I speak to mum on the phone maybe once a month, the odd text maybe every 3 weeks. I have zero contact with my brother and I'm fine with that. Don't have any contact with cousins/aunties/uncles really since I left home not because I don't want to, we're not a close family and would only see them when visiting anyway really.

I know it's not normal, I'm in my early twenties, most of my friends live at home and mostly have a good relationship with their parents. But I'm just wondering if anyone else has minimal contact and how they find it?
 

KP nut

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Dec 22, 2008
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I had minimal with my parents and siblings in my 20s. Basically just weddings and funerals and the odd phone call once in a blue moon. No dramatic fall out - just no sense that staying in touch was necessary or desirable. Now I am in my 40s and have kids I have made much more effort to keep in touch and feel much closer to both parents. They are extremely active and busy so I never had the sense they were pining away waiting for contact!!

I'd be very sad if my kids leave home and lose touch but it may happen, I guess. My OH's family put huge pressure on their grown up kids to phone and visit which I don't like either, so I will try to let my kids choose the level of contact they are happy with.

If you want more contact, have more. Ring more often. Send texts and emails. Go and visit. If you don't I wouldn't worry about it. I don't think it's 'not normal'.
 

Jessey

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Dec 20, 2004
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I don't see my family a lot, I saw my mum and step dad at Xmas, then for mothers day and mum only about 2 weeks ago for lunch as SD won't visit me. My oldest brother is marrying his 8 year partner in august, I've met her once and maybe only seen my brother 3 times in those 8 years too. My older sister I haven't seen in probably that time, my younger bro I saw perhaps 3 times last year, and that was a good year :p My middle brother, and 2 younger sisters I see more of now, perhaps 4/5 times a year, for a big family we aren't massively close, we get on but just don't see masses of each other, or maybe that's just me but I don't mind, its nice to see them when I do but I'm not worried if I don't see them for a few months, having said all that we don't always live close by, 2 years ago there was me in Norfolk, mum & SD in Herts, and siblings in japan, NZ, Aus, Chilie, London and Beds, we are just a diverse family :p in fact we are trying to organize a big family get together with all the cousins, aunts, uncles, 3rd time twice removed folks ;) and we are all so busy we are actually talking about July 2017 before we can sort it :D. My real dad I haven't spoken to since I was 13.
 

Lissie

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Jan 18, 2016
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@KP nut I think I see it as not normal due the reasons it is like this I suppose. I don't think I do want more contact really, not because I don't like them but I suppose sometimes you have to protect yourself. I miss my Mum occasionally, I miss having her advice. I miss my home but know I can't go back.

@Jessey Yeah our family aren't close, as in we get on but we don't see masses of each other, that's fine. I don't see my Mum and brother because of more complicated reasons though, I left and stopped contact because it was so bad. I'm defiantly happier, everyone tells me that but sometimes I do miss my Mum.
 

Trewsers

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I come from a big family but hardly keep in touch with many of them. I speak to my mum often - she is having a hard time with my dad who has dementia, so I often phone just for a natter and to hopefully help keep her sane and get it off her chest! I have two brothers, I keep in touch via email with one of them, the other does not seem to favour much contact as he is too busy. I have two sisters, one whom I keep in touch with quite often and the other that I don't - we just don't see eye to eye and there is little point in playing faces just for the sake of it! I wouldn't know any of my cousins from adam to be honest, even as a child we had minimal contact, a lot of them are based in the south of England.
I keep in close contact with my ex sister in law, and consider her to be one of my best friends. My family are quite scattered - one brother in Chichester - the other in Stirling and same with my sisters. I don't worry about not having that much contact - I think as you get older you make friends and start another circle other than your immediate family. Each to their own of course, some folk prefer to all live, work and stay in touch.
 

Jessey

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I speak to my mum more than anyone else, but when my life fell apart a couple of years ago I asked if I could move home (last resort) and I was politely told no and she helped me financially so I didn't have to, I don't blame her really I think we would be at each others throats in about 5 mins flat! We actually got on much better once I left home, so I'd say if you miss your mum, you could increase contact and see how things go, you too might find you get on heaps better now the pressure is off a bit :D
 

Lissie

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@Jessey It's hard to explain without going into too much info and writing an essay aha. But I don't not have contact due to not getting on/having arguments. It is much more complicated than that, there are issues that cannot be resolved, and I've come to terms with that. I miss her but the reality is I cannot have a close relationship with her, to the point where it's unhealthy to try. I'm missing something that hasn't been there for years and years I suppose.

@Trewsers my family isn't that big but we're the same everyone is just too busy to meet up regularly. I agree I've got a lot of good close friends we are like our little family lol!
 

Trewsers

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It's funny cos as a child I remember a conversation I had with my nan. I asked her if she had any brothers and she said she had. Then I asked why she did not live near them or see them every day. I remember her saying that as we get older we often lose contact or just make new friends. At the time it seemed alien to me, as I could never imagine not having close contact with my brothers and sisters. But somehow we all moved in different directions.
 
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chev

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I'm quite close to my brother even though he lives in East Java. We keep in touch regularly and I know he's always there for me. But my relationships with my parents couldn't be more different. I probably speak to my mother every couple of months; in fact I was closer to my mother in law and miss her terribly. My parents divorced when I was 13 and I haven't seen my father since. My relationship with my mother broke down so badly I moved out and in with my best friend for a few months. I wás lucky her mother was extremely understanding!

There's that old saying you can choose your friends but you can't choose your family. Some family is close, some just aren't. But what's normal for some people may not be the same for others. I'm happy with the way things are although I do sometimes wish I had a better relationship with my mother. Family is what you make of it really.
 
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