Am I being unreasonable? (long - sorry)

N

NVA

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Jun 9, 2003
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Hi

I started riding a year and a half ago aged 30 and have been a slow learner. My main problem has been trot-canter transitions as I was scared of the idea of canter. I've had a variety of teachers as it has been difficult to get the same one regularly, and it got to the stage where I was fine on a couple of horses but terrible on any other.
Recently I found a fantastic teacher. My confidence improved, and I have ridden horses that have previously reduced me to tears of frustration (including one that threw me earlier in the year) and it has gone like a dream. Every week I felt like I'd made a breakthrough, and even started jumping.
Anyway, fantastic teacher is leaving and I can't get another instructor at that stables for a while. I've been going to another stables as well, but a lot of instructors have just left there as well. On Sunday I had a new instructor there who I just didn't take to. I was riding a horse who I know to be completely stubborn - the last time I rode her the instructor gave me his spurs in order to get her moving, and she was like a different horse. I've never used spurs before, haven't been riding long enough to use them and it wasn't my suggestion - but I made the mistake of mentioning it to the new instructor. She went on about it all lesson (how can you think you should be using spurs etc) and took great pains to tell me how much I was doing wrong. When she asked what I did in my last lesson (unsuccessfully trying flying changes and successfully managing my first straight bar rather than a cross pole - even if it was only about a foot off the ground) I am sure that she thought I was lying.
I had trouble with canter transitions on stubborn horse, but managed to get her there twice on each rein and loved it as she has a great canter (I now agree with everyone who says it is the best gait). The new instructor has however suggested that I go back to walk and trot only, and that for my next lesson I book a walk and trot hack with "a couple of steps of canter in there if you feel up to it". Given that in my experience of hacking you don't need to be able to do the transitions (as the horse generally follows the one in front), and that it isn't the canter itself that is the problem, I'm not sure why she's suggesting this. She also wants me to go onto tiny ponies (13.2-14h) as I've lost a lot of weight recently; I'm not entering into a ponies vs horses debate as I have nothing against either and know that it is an emotive subject, but it seemed like another area in which she was trying to put me down. Unfortunately if I want to carry on with lessons then I think that she is the only option at the moment.
What I wonder is - I am being arrogant and unreasonable in not wanting to go along with her suggestions? I am the first person to admit that I know next to nothing about riding, but what she is suggesting just seems a bit weird. Exercises to strengthen up my legs etc and get the horse listening to my outside leg I could understand - but this doesn't make any sense to me. I only get to ride once a week and have to travel a fair way to get there, and if I'm not enjoying it then I don't see the point. On the other hand - she is the instructor and presumably knows best. I just know that with the other instructor I felt that I could do anything, whereas with this one I feel like I can do nothing.

Any honest guidance welcome - if I'm wrong then I am happy to be told so! Finally (and apologies for the length of this) I'm new to this internet forum thing and though I have posted a couple of times I've never introduced myself through the cafe area. Not much to say - I live and work in London, don't have a horse but desperately want one and would spend all my time riding if I could!

Thanks in advance
Naomi
 
I know where you are coming from. I was there too.

I took offense to the instructors suggestion that I wasnt well along enough to be working on canter, and should stick with just walk trot. I very unhappily obliged and you know, I learned so much more by taking her advice. She was right. It wasnt a confidence thing that she was critisising. There is so much to fix at trot and if you compared my riding style before I went with her to after I went with her there is an outstanding difference. As I look back on it, I came to her only knowing how to "hang on" - I didnt know how to ride.

So, even though I was immensely offended, I now realize that listening to her was the best thing I could have done.

Thats my story. Yours may turn out differently but just to shed some light..... :)
 
Well I think your instructor was been extremely negative and belittling and I'm not surprised you are a bit annoyed and deflated. It's hardly a good lesson if all she could do was point out what you were doing wrong.
Having said that I don't think a hack is a bad idea and sounds quite enjoyable.
Perhaps you could do a search on the internet or ask around that area as there may be another riding school you do not know about that has friendlier and more positive instructors. I imagine there must be lists of riding schools somewhere but you may well have checked this out already.
 
One other thing:

What I try to remember when I go for lessons is that I am PAYING this person to critique my riding. Your instructor instructs and then she/he has to critique whether or not you are doing it correctly. If not, they offer suggestions. Sometimes that helped me. Do you think these are the services being provided?

Ask yourself if you think this woman has anything to offer you and if she can benefit your riding. Is riding a pleasure for you or are your goals more driven towards showing and or competing as that may affect your decision as well.
 
I've been thinking about how my instructor teaches and how she helps me to improve my riding. She never says 'You're doing this wrong' or 'Don't do that'.
She says things like 'Try doing this' and is constantly encouraging me.
I attend quite a few instructors courses myself and we are always taught to correct things that are going wrong but in a way that is encouraging rather than the rider feeling they have been criticised or put down.
 
My instructor is lovely very encouraging..but honest enough to tell me if he thinks I'm not trying.
Mind you it took me years to find him. ;)
We get on great & I think it shows in the improvement in my riding over the last year.
I can't see you getting any benefit from going on a plodding hack...if you were just learning to trot then yes it would be a good idea, but not at your stage.

F~F
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Horses are Us© ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
NVA, it doesn't sound like you have had very many lessons with the new instructor so maybe after a few more lessons, she will have a better idea of how you ride and you will have a chance to ask her why she is suggesting some of these things. After some of my lessons, I feel completely happy and after others I feel like I never want to go back there. We seem to do a different thing at every lesson with no follow up on the one before. Altho I suppose everything you do on a horse or with a horse builds up your knowledge. Sorry, think I got a little off the track!
 
Instructors and school horses vary enormously. Every week I get a one hour ride locally in an outdoor school where it is extremely prosaic, boring and controlled; although probably correct.

Sometimes I travel 140 miles each way to Anglesey for individual indoor school tuition, hacks in safe [non road] dedicated rides or canters on the beach. The horses too have a different attitude and don't bite or kick each other. At gates they bump happily into each other and the whole attitude is relaxed and friendly.

Don't let the odd difficult teacher put you off. No need for confrontation, just look round for an alternative while keeping your options open. There must be masses of places so near the 'centre of the universe'.
 
I'm a very nice instructor when I'm teaching beginners & novices, but once you've got the basics I expect more and start getting tough(er!) When I see some talent I am keen to develop it. Maybe your instructor just wants to iron out a few wrinkles to get you ready to push on? Give her a few goes, see if you can talk to her about where you want to go, and maybe it will work out. But as others have said, you pay your money, you call the shots!
 
Hi - thanks for the suggestions. Haven't decided what to do yet, and have a bit of time now when I can't ride for one reason or another, but just had to share from my last lesson with fab instructor as I'm still on a high. I jumped my first course (if that's the correct term) of 4 jumps; one on each of the long sides and a double across the diagonal. Apparently the straight poles were at 2ft 3 although I think they may have been a bit lower! Anyway, I did it, it was fantastic and it was all captured on video (it didn't look nearly as impressive as it felt but never mind). I've only done a tiny bit of jumping before and didn't believe I could do it when the instructor put the jumps up, but that was what was so great about her; if she told me I could do it then I believed it too. Anyway, slightly off post I know but I just wanted to rave about it (having raved to everyone who would listen I thought I'd have a rave to some people who might understand how I feel).

So at least that was a good way to end those lessons; will have to see how things go in the future.

N
 
You know, sometimes you don't click with people, and they reduce your self-esteem rather than raise it. Someone who helps you learn and feel better about your riding is someone to stick with--even if they tell you that you're doing all sorts of things wrong ;)

But--if you feel picked on, the lesson atmosphere was oppressive, if you leave the lesson feeling like you're totally worthless as a rider, then it's time to go look for someone else to teach you. You need someone who wll help, not tear you down. Even *if* the instructor was accurate in the things you need to work on, that instructor will not help you learn.

Some people post here about really appreciating those instructors who spend every second being extremely critical. Some people *are* helped by that kind of teaching--but some aren't. And the whole point of riding is to enjoy it. When you get right down to it, your long term enjoyment is what's important, not whether or not you're the best rider you can be. We all *want* to be better riders, particularly as riding better helps us make riding more enjoyable for the horse too...but if an instructor makes you leave the lesson feeling like you're totally incompetent, then what good did that lesson do you?

I'm delighted that your most recent lesson was of the encouraging and "high on riding" variety :) Hopefully you can find someone else to ride with regularly, in the future, who will allow you to feel this way (while still teaching you).
 
Thanks Galadriel - your post is definitely on the mark. I'm certainly not looking for an instructor who tells me I am doing everything right, as for one thing I wouldn't believe them as I am sure I am doing pretty much everything wrong. As you say, it's finding someone that you click with. I respond to being pushed but not bullied, and criticised constructively rather than being made to feel like the most useless person ever to set bum on a horse! That's why my old instructor was so great - she'd tell me that (for example) my 3 loop serpentine would have got me laughed out of a dressage ring but at the same time would be telling me how to improve, and making me feel that I was able to do it rather than wasting my time trying. I might try this new instructor again and see if we can get off on a better foot this time, but think that a break for a couple of weeks probably won't do me any harm. Will bore you all with an update soon.

Thanks again for the help
N
 
i left my first riding school after nearly 2 years because my instructor left and both of the other instructors i had previously had lessons with who i liked were going to work part time. i was told i had to be instructed by the new girl because she was the only one available on the days i was free to have my lessons. anyway i was ok about this until i had my first lesson with her we just didnt clck she had a negative attitude and i didnt trust her judgement. i had a second lesson with her 3 weeks later and she was even worse and she wasnt newly qualified or anything she had been teaching for yeas so that was no excuse for her lack of teaching skills. anyway i left which everyone told me i was a fool for doing because it wa the best place in the area etc. i went to a beautiful place and found all the staff teachers rooms etc to be really friendly and i loved it. sometimes you just have to trust your instincts
 
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