okay, heads up, this is gonna be long.
I know what you mean. When I was about 12 I entered my first show, Dressage, I was so excited about it! I stayed up nights on end to memorize the intro test. When I got there I was busting with confidence. When I entered the arena I found out that my RI was going to be reading the test to the beginners! I got so confused! There were only 3 of us in the class but I ended up with third. It took me a while to want to show again, when I did it was an equitation class. I thought, "okay this should be easy, just walk trot and canter." The judge told me that I would have gotten first rather that 7th place (there were 8 in the class) if we haden't gotten the wrong lead! Doh!
Needless to say I felt awful! I felt like I was the most idiodic person in the world, I couldn't even find the left lead! So I decided that the world of english was not for me and left it for 2 years. In that 2 years I got more than I bargened for. I bought my first pony, Plum, 14hh, 20 years old and the most barn sour thing you have ever seen! I owned her for 2 years and in that time we did trail rides and it took the whole time to get her over her barn sourness. She pushed me so hard, every single day! I had no experience with this type of thing and every day I came out of the barn yelling and crying that I wanted to sell her.
But I had a cause, I wanted us to better, so I began to seek help. I unknowingly started using all the methods that I had been taught with my old RI and we began to come together. Unfortunatly by this time she was 22 and I realized that I missed lessons, the hustle of the barn, and shows. 2 years ago I sold Plum and she is now helping a little girl learn to ride, I was so sad to see her go. Now I own a wonderful show prospect, Lance. This summer we are going to start lessons and jump back into Dressage feet first. If I haden't stopped english who knows what would have happened. I would have had more formal training but I learned so much from Plum that it is hard to imagine ever learning all that at a barn. And in all likelyhood I would have never gotten Lance and that I can't imagine at all!
So what am I trying to tell you by relating my whole life's story? Don't give up, at least not compleatly. Try something new, my confidence was shattered too, I didn't fall off but I felt like an idiot up there, and that does the same thing to you mentaly. Maybe you could show in hand, give driving a try, western is pretty fun and a nice relax from the riggors of the riding school. My point is that if you totaly give up you will probably never get back in. Don't let that happen, you know you have had fun with horses before, it will come back to you it just takes time.
