I am hoping to solve the issue just by starting the thread

newforest

newforest

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Mar 15, 2008
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You know those threads that you start, ask for suggestions, advice, share your thoughts and by the time a week passes, you have solved the issue.
Well that's my hope anyway!!!

First off. I take full responsibility for the predicament I have got myself into. I am going to use it as a learning curve to get myself back on track.

I have already made a start.
I recognise my confidence is taking a siesta and I could do with it waking itself back up.

So. Somewhere between the sharer moving in and now I have lost my confidence riding. I hadn't really noticed until now as such because I go through phases of wanting to do inhand stuff, not being motivated and trying to get into a routine has eluded me almost since I moved house in all honesty.

Three weeks ago the ponies were split and I can breathe again. I can hopefully get myself back on track with having the time and energy for her. And as the days go on things will build and grow. I hadn't envisioned just how nervous, needy and stubborn the sharer would be!!!!

I now have a very firm boundary, we will NOT be having the farrier on the same day as I am done with babysitting her and the pony. The farrier couldn't even trim him without mine being present. Also I am not stepping in everytime "they can't come up" A one off fair enough, but this is every week I get asked to help out. After a year, I cannot babysit anymore.
It reminds me of a saying that the famous P person once said, "if you do the same as you've always done, you get the same as you've always got"
In order for me to build my confidence again, I need to change what I am doing.


The strange thing is I feel fine and out of no where I suddenly feel so nervous I want to get off and the cob hasn't actually done anything. My mind will pop up and say this will happen, that will happen, you need to get off. And she actually hasn't flinched, which is more than can be said for me!!
I do wonder if being a certain age whether that big M effects your way of thinking and feeling?

My other thought is to book a block of lessons at the nearby stables and do a confidence building course thing to see if it's in general I have this issue or if its just my own.
Oddly I don't feel as confident on mine as I can on other people's. That's because my brain says other people's are fine, it's just mine that my brain says, she will do xyz.

I will be riding out solo / in company / inhand everyday during the week. I really must get into that going out as being the norm. It really doesn't matter if it's the shortest half mile we have. It's the routine that's my biggest hurdle. We can so easily talk ourselves out of it. But going out is good for her, her hooves are the best they've been. I also wonder if choosing to semi retire her wasn't the best ideas I had, since she didn't get that memo.

She has a neck strap on and I will have that new bp assuming it fits.

Anything else I might have missed.
I am not beating myself up, it is where I am currently, it's transient.
Maybe I could buy a jar to put my stomach knots in.

Cookies and cream for reading.
 
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Confidence is such a fragile thing!

I don’t think pushing though wobbles is always helpful, maybe let yourself get off but have a rule in mind that you get back on at the next opportunity (the next log or bank you get to) even if you do it 4 times in a ride. It’s the getting back on that helps reset our brains.

If pushing though does work for you, could you book a couple of hacking lessons where the RI walks out with you and coaches you in the moment?

Routine is great, but my current job messes with it frequently, so my next best alternative is a plan! If at the weekend I make a plan for the coming week, I’m much more likely to achieve what I want to. Monkey does best on four days work, any more and he’s too tired and less he’s more anxious but just thinking I’ll ride four days never seems to happen but if I plan on ride on Tuesday Thursday Saturday and Sunday I normally get it done.
 
I will say that when my lads did less and were in the field, they were I feel bored and there behaviour changed. Not much but they were somehow sharper. The answer was to get them out regular and that sharpness turned into being chilled again. Yes that sharpness can make you loose your confidence.

I would get someone to walk or ride out with you and in between ride out on your own. I used to do that on Billy when he was younger and first broken. The girls couldn't ride Chunky all the time so in between I had to hack on my own. Some how it helped the horse know he wasn't always alone and therefore gave me the boost. If he was a prat. The next ride I knew was going to be incompany and all would be chilled.

Theres alot to be said for the big M. Not everything can be blamed on the M word, as i found out only yesterday. Now I'm having a full health check. :eek:
 
Thanks for your replies.
I could have a weekly food planner and cob planner. Other things can and do easily get in the way of getting her out.
I am so easily distracted, we don't really make the best team at the moment as so is she!!!
I did a course once that said it's not the situation that needs to change, but how you think and process it. That worked in how I viewed the baby beach.
I am hoping rather than the current oh s**t it's men hanging out of the open window they are putting in, with all the stuff on the lawn, please don't drop anything or fall out - I can say hello up there good morning, lovely day for it. See it as a positive thing to interact and the cob won't fuss.
I didn't sleep well last night as my brain wanted to "go over things and ideas"
I didn't fight it, I just got up made some cereal and watched a bit of tv. It can have it's moment of brain time.
I did them come up with the simple idea of just going back to taking her out when I always have done. Because she's only a mile down the road, I started taking her out mornings, I know that sounds silly but had we been on our own, I think I know I would have been a saddle grasshopper.

The idea of having the RI come out with me is a good idea and I will see how today's session goes, then I can send a message and get that in place.
 
I like the idea of lessons and from that confidence, you will be able to allow yourself to realise you can do this, you have always been doing this and you know what you are doing is right for you and your horse.

Sharers can totally undermine confidence. They make you look at your practices and abilities even subconsciously. When I found myself alone looking after my horses, I questioned everything and worried and over thought. But I discovered I was capable and could do it.
 
chunky monkey said:
I will say that when my lads did less and were in the field, they were I feel bored and there behaviour changed. Not much but they were somehow sharper. The answer was to get them out regular and that sharpness turned into being chilled again. Yes that sharpness can make you loose your confidence.

I would get someone to walk or ride out with you and in between ride out on your own. I used to do that on Billy when he was younger and first broken. The girls couldn't ride Chunky all the time so in between I had to hack on my own. Some how it helped the horse know he wasn't always alone and therefore gave me the boost. If he was a prat. The next ride I knew was going to be incompany and all would be chilled.

Theres alot to be said for the big M. Not everything can be blamed on the M word, as i found out only yesterday. Now I'm having a full health check. :eek:
Click to expand...
Hope you are okay.xxx
 
Ithink we all deal with it differently. One of my favourites has always been to add SO. Everytime I'd start thinking "what if x y or z happens?" I'd immediatly turn it to "SO what if x y or z happens?" and add a picture of me dealing with it and carrying on with no problem. Worked for me, but might not for someone else. If it's too big a problem for that to work I'd stay in my safety zone until it felt boring and I wanted to do more, then make sure there were suitable safety nets in place such as someone around or my apple watch with it's fall alert on.

What doesn't work for me is someone encouraging me - it just feels like pressure. I have more faith in my judgement than anyone else's!
 
I don't know if pushing through works for me as Jessie mentioned, as I was with someone else, I will find out next time I do this route on my own. If it worked I will deal with things as they come up, if it doesn't I still won't be able to deal with it and I will know that isn't the answer then.

Sticking to the same route until it becomes boring is on my list. We have got lots of routes but they can wait. I can be content with the ones that can be strung together. She's got her preferred direction to lean into, so I listen to that as well.

If i was nervous riding her past xyz list time, I will either still be in that same mindset and have the feelings that went with it, she was fine.
In all of my wobbles she's not done a thing, but if she did do something that's going to push me of the cliff and I will need to get off. Because I can't deal with her worries stacked onto my own.

She can still spin which is a little undesirable but there you go, so I know her reaction if she's on that cliff edge.

As an aside I had a thought. I do think fear and excitement are very close together.
When I rode up through the village square a few years back, my legs were physically shaking by the time I got to the top.
The interesting thing was the air balloon ride had my legs doing exactly the same thing on take off and the rest of me thought it was great fun.
 
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I remember one Boxing Day, I turned up to hack Ella solo and two volunteers working that day said, "She's here. She is all yours."

I stupidly thought that they meant she was my own horse. Not a share or RS horse but my own, privately owned. So I rode her far more subtly, with thought and shifts of weight and a relaxed rein. And she just flew along perfectly. I turned back quite soon due to cold and the deserted morning and of course she flew even more, heading homeward.

I never forgot that perfect winter ride but somehow never managed to replicate it. Owning a horse or riding as if one owns it is materially different from rding an RS mare.
 
Skib said:
I remember one Boxing Day, I turned up to hack Ella solo and two volunteers working that day said, "She's here. She is all yours."

I stupidly thought that they meant she was my own horse. Not a share or RS horse but my own, privately owned. So I rode her far more subtly, with thought and shifts of weight and a relaxed rein. And she just flew along perfectly. I turned back quite soon due to cold and the deserted morning and of course she flew even more, heading homeward.

I never forgot that perfect winter ride but somehow never managed to replicate it. Owning a horse or riding as if one owns it is materially different from rding an RS mare.
Click to expand...
It is always good to remember the perfect rides. They keep us going I think. Though hard to replicate sometimes. I had a few really perfect ones years ago on Storm, did things I daren't do now. But its nice to remember all the same. And yes it is different riding a riding school horse from your own.
 
The thing with how or brains are wired is we tend to focus on the times things went wrong, rather than on the times in between and since that were nice.

I let her out of the paddock this afternoon and she had a nice graze on the track while I trimmed the brambles back. Then she dozed off and put herself back when I had finished and approached her. That's our normal back again. I used to jump on bareback and ride down if I was doing any trimming type stuff.
 
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