I rode at Western pony camps as a kid but only got back into riding this March at a hunter/jumper barn. It’s smaller than the bigger show barns in our area (how are 25 horses considered ‘small’?!), and to even find this place was a stroke of luck. I’d called every barn and if I managed to get anyone to respond to my inquiries, I was flat out told trainers wouldn’t “waste their time” on me if I didn’t plan to board, lease, or show. I work full-time w/ two little kids … yeah, I’m not slapping down $$$ on shows, sorry! But someone gave me this trainer’s number and said she might “be willing.” Like I’m a stray dog.
On the one hand, my trainer is fine with me not showing and just taking lessons because I ENJOY it. I did do one schooling show but she was not upfront about the full costs (yes, I asked), so when I got slapped with a big bill, I said, sorry, I can maybe do it 1-2x a year, and this was not what you told me. The overall vibe at this barn is friendly, but nearly everyone shows and has multiple horses. Lots of the kiddos are getting saddles and ponies this Christmas. However, I have noticed since declining shows that my trainer has placed me at that absolute bottom of her priority list; she’s forgotten to let me know if our lesson is canceled due to schooling others before a show and when I’d asked to move to a different lesson day/time due to work schedule changes and avoiding schooling days, she agreed — and then filled that spot. I basically put up with that weirdness b/c her lesson horses are well cared for, happy, and she is a huge believer in as much turnout as possible and not overriding her lesson horses. I’ve also seen her talk an upset kiddo out of a spiral at a horse show and reminding her that this is supposed to be about having FUN with her pony.
Really, I think it’s time she hires an assistant and gets another lesson horse since she has a waitlist for lessons and some empty stalls. But I don’t have her ledger, so …
I have chatted a bit with the show kids and every. single. one. came to this barn after bad experiences at other area barns. I even talked with some of the moms and everyone had a horror story about other trainers and barns. When riding in my first show and then later trying to volunteer as ground crew/ribbon runner at another, I ran into absolute ICE trying to make friends with other horse folk. While the trainers chatted at the in-gate, there didn’t seem to be any socializing between barns. It was weird. A trainer from my hometown - who I’d helped w/ her pony day camps this summer and my daughter attended - seemed really put off with me saying hello at a show.
On the bright side, there is senior re-rider who started lessons this year at my barn, and I pretty much love her. We both just ride the lesson horses once a week and wish we could do more. She’s invited me to join a chatty group of other horse ladies, but of course I was out of town during their last meetup. She gives me hope!
TL;DR - Horse world can be cliquey and weird, especially if you’re an ‘outsider’ without a horse of your own. But I’m glad you found a better fit trainer wise.