I know how you feel, believe it or not but I actually have a hard time accepting that I cant do what I use to with chunky. I only rode him about 6 times during the whole of last year. The year before I did a bit more. This year I've sat on him twice, and the last time I could feel he was not happy with me on him. In spite the girls rode him a lot last year and we even took him to 5 funrides. Something I thought 4 years ago would never happen again. I miss riding him 4/5 times a week. I have one girl who still rides him once a week and I think he enjoys being able to go out with Billy but I hate that it's not me riding him. I still drive him once or twice a week and the odd lunge but it doesnt have that spark anymore. The reason I got Billy was to make up for not being able to ride chunky, but a lot of the time I still wish I could ride chunky. Some how I feel I had a better bond and was more connected with him when i rode. I dont know how long till I have to retire him from any form of work or indeed how long I will have him, but I know I have to find a way to enjoy him, it's just how.