Think I am heading for a breakdown

No_Angel

No_Angel

Well-Known Member
Apr 20, 2003
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Ireland
Today I sat in a snow covered field full of horses, on a pile of hay and cried :frown:

Moments before I had trogged through the field with buckets of feed rushing to put Ambers food down before she chased the others off theirs when I fell on my face in the snow onto buckets and injured my wrist, right in front of a horse who would have trampled me.

I am not sure how much more I can take to be honest, It all just feels so stressful and I'm not enjoying it anymore. I have ridden once since the end of October and I'm not really that interested anyway. I seem to be doing all the work with the horses, my mum has helped me put the haylage out twice. My asthma is getting worse from the haylage and the cold which makes everything so much harder.

I love horses but it's got to the point where I am seriously considering finding new homes for some of them (although with Maddie and Amber it is more likely I will have to have them PTS) . I really hoped moving house and having the horses at home would make everything better, we were just getting excited about it and thinking we may be moving in a few months and now it looks like it might not happen :frown:
 
Oh dear - you do sound very stressed - and no wonder? Think most of us are finding this winter very hard going with the horses.

Was telling myself almost the same thing at 7.30 this morning in minus ten , struggling to do their hay, sort the water and like you, my emphysema is really bad with this very cold weather and doing the hay.:stomp: Does your Mum realize what a struggle you are having at the moment? Might be worth having a chat to see if she could help out a bit more whilst the weather is so bad?

My lot are doing as much as they can to help me - but TBh if next winter is like this Im not sure if I can cope with it all anymore!:redface: But I'm committed to them all so I shall just carry on until I kick the bucket I guess?:unsure::giggle:

Sorry your wrist is hurt, sorry the new place isnt going to happen - but hopefully when the thaw comes it will all seem a bit easier?:twins:
 
It would be so much easier if I could bring the girls in somewhere to feed them, I could split them off and put Amber and the boys in the 6 acre field, but it's so much easier for me just to throw the haylage over the gate than having to load it in a wheelbarrow and push it over the fields in the snow to give to them.

I have spoken to my mother about it but we ended up getting into a huge argument about it as she 'goes to work' and I am at home, I told her I work as well but then she just moans that my business isn't earing enough, even though I am trying my best and should be starting a part time job in the new year :frown:
 
I am another one who thinks this winter coming so suddenly and so early is getting to us. Even getting enough clothes on to go out to do horses seems tiring and silly little things get to me that normally I would just shrug off.

Haven't actually been able to earn any money since the beginning of December and at the end of most days dream of retiring... but couldn't actually imagine life without my horses (with the exception of the odd fence destroying monster..... Rocky you are on a yellow card!!!)


It will get better, spring will come and we will forget the bad days....it always does!
 
Good news it is the shortest day today so from tomorrow it can only get better!!

I think all us horse owners are finding it hard.

I get fed up pushing 100 litres of water to the yard every day, breaking ice on the troughs, putting on ski suit, hat, ear warmers, socks, warm boots etc.

I hate getting the haylage bales off the pile as they are all frozen together so am hurting my bad shoulder doing that and the bales are freezing and covered in snow. I'm having to unfreeze the outdoor tap even though it has two thermal covers on.

And the worst thing is I haven't ridden for 2 weeks as menage is constantly frozen and I dare not risk riding up the field (well my OH doesnt want me to!).

We all feel :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :stomp: :stomp: :stomp: :cry: :cry: :cry:

Spring is just round the corner I keep telling myself.

You are not alone xx

To top it off my big thug of an Irish Cob followed my welsh pony into her stable last night, cornered her and tried to kick the **** out of her. Luckily she appears to be fine. Tough little madam that she is. Cob got the biggest telling off of his life and shuddered in the corner. Naughty boy. I though I was going to have to vet out at Christmas time which is no fun at all.
 
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Its very stressful at the moment with everything frozen, horses are jeyed up from the cold and no riding to make it seem bearable.

But from somone who has had a breakdown you never see them coming, it just happens. Not to lessen what you are felling as I have been there as well and its :poop:

Its good tho that you sat and had the cry and that you have shared on here about it. Sharing makes you see things in a different light and makes the burden not feel as big.

If I was you I would arrange soemthing fun and non horsey for yourself. A day with the friends out of the house and away from the horses.

Take care

Nikki :)
 
if it's any consolation i had a total tantrum yesterday, bursting into tears and throwing a cup against the wall - outside - i had just reached the end of my tether in terms of all the extra work with the weather, family coming for xmas and the place being in such a state and so much to do before they come. I just couldn't see how there were enough hours in the day.

then one of the cats puked all over the kitchen floor and the other one had a very runny poo outside the litter tray and i just sat down and howled.

i totally understand. i think this year everyone is just so stressed.
 
I totally understand where everyone is coming from, this weather, though pleasant in manyother ways compared to the wind and rain, is quite tough! Luckily OH is ok atm, so can help with the water buckets - and the constant net filling and defrosting of taps....I seem to be getting to bed later and later, and have to admit to feeling quite bad about leaving it later and later before sorting the horses out of an evening! I am wearing three coats and lots of thick socks etc etc and it is quite a hassle actually scrambling into them all! OH looks ridiculous we constantly laugh at each other, he looks like a bespectacled burglar with his balaclava and thick black gloves on and me, well, I just look downright potty!!
I think we all reach a stage during the winter where we question horse ownership - not much riding seems to get done and the chores seem so much harder. As somebody has already said though the shortest day is today and it can only get better!
 
I know how you feel, everything is just such hard work at the moment. I have had the feeling lately that I am just about holding it together but feel like I could snap at any minute.

There is I hope, light at the end of the tunnel, it is the shortest day today:dance:

It will soon be spring.....
 
Here is another that would agree with the onslaught of the Bad Weather so
early in the Season the thought of a very 'long' Winter is getting to us all.

Obviously because of my two being Youngsters the 'non riding' hasn't been a problem, but on the other hand with both having been backed this Year I feel I should be getting more 'dividends' than I have due to the wind/rain and now Snow and Ice.

I just trundle along, MOANING and keep saying to myself 'Next Year Kay,
Next Year :biggrin::giggle:

So IF I have not been locked up in the 'ASYLUM' by next Year for 'talking
to myself' NEXT YEAR will be OUR YEAR and I certainly intend making the most of Spring and SUMMER:biggrin:
 
Thanks for the support everyone.

Unfortunately I don't think it's the weather that is bothering me, I've lived without facilities through bad weather before with the horses and it's been hard but I have never wanted to give up on them. I lost my dog in October and I don't think I am coping with it very well. I know he was 'just a dog' but he was very special to me and he has been with me since the day he was born, he had always been my rock and the one thing in my life that was good and constant. I'm not the sort of person who cries and I could probably count on one hand the amount of times I cried before Sam died.

I was all ready to give up on them yesterday, but last night I went up to feed them and I couldn't see Maddie anywhere, I really did panic and and started running across the field to find her calling her name, but bless her she came running over to me and gave me a big cuddle and rubbed her head on me, she's a special girl.
 
could you be a bit depressed, plus you are still grieving for your dog. please try to hang in there and don't make any decisions for a few months, give yourself time to heal a bit and see how it looks then.

I know years ago i reached the end of my tether, just a combination of work/money issues and i was at the stage all i wanted to do was put my head under the pillow and not get up. I just stopped functioning for about 3 months, i just had reached the end of my resources. I got over it but at the time I was at the point of not caring if i woke up or not.

Go and see your doctor and have a chat, it may be more than the winter blues and you just need a bit of a boost to give you time to get better and back to your old self.
 
Definately agree with D&T - I have been at the point of giving up on my horses, I just didn't want to look at them anymore. I am so glad I got the help I needed, I never would have forgiven myself if they'd gone.
Hope you are feeling better soon xxxx
 
Sam wasnt 'just a dog' No Angel was he? He was your best friend from the time you were a little child. No wonder you are feeling down - you are still grieving for that loss - think we try to not show it when its 'just' an animal - but when we truly loved them tis just as heartbreaking and devastating as losing a member of the family.

Sorry if that offends anybody - but is just my personal opinion on the grief of losing a much loved pet - sometimes think its effect is underestimated.

Really hope that with time you will feel better and the sense of loss will be easier to bear.:twins:
 
You will be fine. It is awful weather and worse when you have lost your best friend. Our water has frozen at the yard, we can't get into the yard and have to park at the bottom and lug it in.

Additionally, I haven't ridden Toby (apart from once) since the middle of September and can't do any ground work at all which is what he needs.

It now takes me half an hour to get to him am and pm as the ice and snow is horrendous on the back roads that I have to use and it usually takes 10 mins.

On top of that, our rent went up threefold at the beginning of December, the fencing is rotten and they broke out and Amber ended up in a lake nearly dead, our Landlords are dreadful and Toby really needs to have lessons!!

Happily, from what I can see as I work full time and only see him in the dark am and pm, he is nearly sound.

It won't last forever, and spring is just around the corner x
 
I'm going through some stressy times myself at the moment but don't fear a meltdown at the moment.

When myself and others I know have had meltdowns in the past there hasn't been any warnings at all. They haven't come when you think they would either. Take my situation now, whilst I'm at my wits end and so unhappy and worried, there's no danger of me having a breakdown. The real danger will come when all this settles down a bit and we have time to think and breath. It's a 'straw that broke the camels back' thing for me. I can't remember what it was that caused my breakdown 10 years or so ago. It would have been something small that set it off though.

The way I dealwith stress is to shrink my world. I have as little as possible in my life and gradually see more ppeople and do more things when I feel capable of it. I even cut out the good stuff knowing that if the good stuff turns bad then that would be it. I just wait it out and things slowly go back to normal. My friends are used to it now and know if they haven't heard from me in a bit it's nothing personal :redface:
 
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