Some more bad news

[Cortrasna]

I am sad you are feeling sad Ale - but agree with everyone else - this has actually probably done you a favour and something that was probably inevitable. You have moved on so much this last 12 months with your plans and dreams and lets face it, you can still achieve all those dreams without him, probably achieve it quicker and without all the guilt trip and unnecessary baggage staying with him entailed

Stay strong, have a good cry and throw a few wobblys, always helps flush out the negativity in my experience and very therapeutic. You can do this and you WILL do this, you are far too bright an intelligent to let a mere male hold you back and dampen your spirit - Go you girleen! xx

 

[MrA]

Thank-you so much, I know I'll be fine, I'll get through this, just no light to be seen at the moment. Currently stuck at a bus stop with some really annoying teens, just want to get away from everything. But then tomorrow I will feel a little better I'm sure and then a little better the next too. I'll take all your advice on board also so please do keep it coming thank-you all xx

 

[squidsin]

I just want to echo what others have said - this could help you move forwards. It might be that you've had less incentive to make new friends because he was there as a security blanket and perhaps even holding you back. I've had boyfriends like that in the past - one in particular who used to say 'why haven't you got many friends?' and it made me really self-conscious about my ability to make friends which was obviously counter-productive! With the benefit of hindsight, he was a total tool really. Friends are the most important thing and I'm sure you'll find it easier to meet people now. Onwards and upwards, lovely!

 

[MrA]

I'm just not very good at making friends. I have one who I do see occasionally but otherwise I don't have any. Just not really sure where to begin.

 

[joosie]

I don't think you're alone in that Ale. I have met the majority of my friends through work over the years - I suspect a lot of us do, since we tend to spend more time working than anything else - whereas in social situations that don't involve horses I find it virtually impossible to make friends.

 

[MrA]

However I have made brownies to take to work tomorrow and I start a voluntary role with an animal charity in a few weeks so that's a start I guess.

 

[MrA]

I don't think you're alone in that Ale. I have met the majority of my friends through work over the years - I suspect a lot of us do, since we tend to spend more time working than anything else - whereas in social situations that don't involve horses I find it virtually impossible to make friends.

I wouldn't say I'm friends with anyone I work with and I've been there almost 4 years.

 

[newforest]

I have a handful of friends. Quality of quantity, you only need a few special people to be honest.
I don't socialize with anyone from the yard. If we were not on the yard, I wouldn't be bothered with them at all.
If you are not lonely is fine?

 

[HorseHelen]

I don't have many friends either and most of the ones I have are because of common interests of horses and running.

As others have said perhaps join a club. See if you have a local cycling club to you. They usually do social weekend club rides. Might be worth a go?

With Xmas coming up maybe organise a meal and drinks with people from your yard (if you like them) or maybe a work one too. Get to know people better away from the usual environment perhaps.

It is hard But you'll be fine

 

[MrA]

It's very difficult. For about 7 years we have been best friends. 6.5 of those we were going out so were best friends who loved each other. And now suddenly I'm supposed to just turn off how I felt and not only that I've lost my best friend too.

Yesterday was the first day in all those years that we didn't have any contact. The hardest part for me is losing that friend side.

But we were going no where and lead very different lives with very different outlooks, so I think even our friendship was beginning to falter.

I will have to join some groups and things when I feel like it to try and get some more friends.

 

[Kite_Rider]

Ale I'm sorry that things aren't great for you right now, as others have said though and you yourself, you were not getting on great and had totally different outlooks on life.
You will come out of this better than ever, honestly, even though it's horrible right now.
With regards to friends, take some time to be friends with yourself first, learn to love you, once you are comfortable with who you are and confident in yourself and your outlook you'll find life very different.
Give yourself some time, but don't wallow, you're a lovely young woman with a heart of gold, we all see it here in how you portray yourself, but you need to believe it yourself first. Keep smiling chick, it will come good.

 

[HorseHelen]

It is really hard and you'll feel very lonely to start with as you've lost a huge consistent thing in your adult life.

It'll get better as each day and week passes.

I really think from what you've said that you would have been more unhappy in the long run if you'd stayed together because you'd have had to massively compromise what you wanted. And that would have made you more miserable than the misery you've got in the shorter term now.

Have you ridden your share this weekend? You've got a dressage test to practice for!

 

[MrA]

Thank-you both of you, and all of you.

Yesterday I felt a little better, had a friend over, but after dreaming he had already found someone else last night today I feel alot worse. And I'm over thinking things now why did he tell me all those years that he wanted what I wanted, just lied to my face.

Dressage is today hopefully so will go and try and have some fun!

 

[domane]

Grieving is disbelief, anger, upset, acceptance. But the length of time it to to get through all of those varies. My first husband is still stuck on anger.... and I left him 20 years ago!

Sounds like you are getting angry too, Ale.... keep moving forwards, sweetie xxx

 

[HorseHelen]

Because he didn't want to lose you because he didn't want to be without you in his life. It's a compliment to you in one way but not helpful for continuing onwards and making a future together

Good luck today

 

[Kite_Rider]

Grieving is disbelief, anger, upset, acceptance. But the length of time it to to get through all of those varies. My first husband is still stuck on anger.... and I left him 20 years ago!

I've got one of those too Domane.

 

[Trewsers]

Good luck with the dressage today. I can only imagine how lost and out of sorts you must be feeling, because he was your best friend too. All I can offer is what everyone else has said, you're going to feel that way for a while, but you have soooo much to offer and are a lovely person (even though we've not met in real life I just know you are good). Lots and lots of encouraging vibes coming - you are fabulous yet don't know it!!!!

 

[MrA]

Getting my key back Friday. After that I can start to move on. It's hard to know if you are doing the right thing but some of the things he's come out with in the little bit we have been communicating have made me realise its definitely the right thing to of done.

I've begun saving up for a car which I hope to purchase at the end of my college course next year. Being single will put my moving plans on hold for some time but doesn't mean I can't make progress in other ways.

I do need to find a club or something to join but giving it a few more weeks before I start looking into that.

Otherwise things are just ticking by, keeping busy.

 

[joellie]

Your sounding positive which is great

 

[MrA]

Your sounding positive which is great

Thanks, I'm trying to think that in a few months I'll look back and think how glad I am this all happened, which I'm sure I will.