Pride wounded a bit!

[Bodshi]

I'm sure other people must experience this sometimes.

Example happened last night - hired a local arena with a friend to practise some jumping. Friend is a young lady who rides for OH and has bought one of OH's home bred horses, who is by one of John Whittaker's stallions. He's only a baby but showing lots of potential. I'm a middle aged woman on an 8 year old Arab who has taken up riding again in later life and even as a child never had her own pony.

Sharing the school with friend not a problem because she wanted to give her baby horse experience with a few fences and I wanted to practise what I've been learning in my lessons - we've only recently started jumping - so although we're starting at different levels of ability we both needed the same tools and friend is very non-judgmental so I'm glad to be sharing the school with her and be able to benefit from her greater experience when setting up jumps etc.

However, then YO (also a professional, but showing rather than jumping) decides she'll come along with her friend, who deals in event horses and runs clinics etc, to set up some jumps - this is because they want to see how friend's horse is doing, which is understandable and it's very kind of them to do the jumps for us - I can't complain really.

Except that I know YO is always silently critiquing the rider she's watching and her friend, who is also very nice btw, really is only concerned about how capable you and your horse are in relation to jumping and/or eventing.

So they set this little grid up of four jumps. Me and Raf have only done a grid of 3 before and that took a bit of practise but we gave the grid of four a go. Straight away we were doomed because the first 'jump' was set up as a pole on the ground and a pole propped up at one end. Cantered up to it confidentally, Raf said woooh, what's that? It isn't a jump, it isn't a pole, what am I supposed to do? Me not having the skill to explain to him in the split second he hesitated just tried to push him on and he gamely hopped over it and then skipped and hopped over the rest. I didn't see YO and her friend rolling their eyes but I knew that's what they were doing internally!

Friend came along on her baby horse and bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce - perfect. We had another go, hop, skip etc etc. Put up the back pole for friend who once again bounced over. Eventually (with the back pole down again) me and Raf did manage to do it properly but our joint ability was clearly dismissed in the eyes of YO and her friend.

I don't know why it would bother me, I know we're never going to be stars at jumping or eventing or dressage, or any of that competitive stuff and that's fine because I'm really not interested in any of that, I want to relax and have fun and I have the perfect horse for that. I just feel a bit demoralized for myself and also sad that they think my horse is rubbish (how could they??!!)

 

[squidsin]

It's always harder riding with an audience. You say yourself you've just started jumping. You're not a professional rider and loads of people are too scared to jump at all. At my local yard, at least half the people do very little with their horses at all. I bet you rode just fine. Be proud of what you are doing and SOD 'EM!

 

[Trewsers]

I hate being watched when I am riding unless its friends and family doing the watching. Both yards we were in people laughed at my riding - on one yard they didn't even bother to cover it up, I actually heard them!! Quite honestly it is the one part I dislike: why oh why do we have to judge?! We all like horses and riding so why can we not just live and let live in the arena?? Sorry, that's turned into a rant......

 

[Kite_Rider]

I agree with squidsin, I know my capabilities and what anyone else thinks quite frankly I couldn't give a monkeys!
I think you have done brilliantly to be where you are with Raf, I remember when you first got him as a youngster and you have never given up on all the dreams you have and having achieved them I think you should bloomin well give yourself a massive pat on the back, sod what anyone else thinks, you go out and you have a go and enjoy it and that's all that matters.
For what it's worth hardly anyone I know from any of the livery yards I've been on actually do half of what you do with Raf.

 

[squidsin]

Yup, the horse riding fraternity can be very judgey. It's one of those things where every man and his dog thinks they're an expert. The irony is that, while quick to criticise from the safety of the ground, you quite often see people who profess to be brilliant riders actually riding and think 'really?!' I know some awesome riders too, of course, and have been quite embarrassed to ride in front of them but if they thought I was sh*t, they were kind and polite enough to keep it to themselves!

 

[squidsin]

I agree with squidsin, I know my capabilities and what anyone else thinks quite frankly I couldn't give a monkeys!
I think you have done brilliantly to be where you are with Raf, I remember when you first got him as a youngster and you have never given up on all the dreams you have and having achieved them I think you should bloomin well give yourself a massive pat on the back, sod what anyone else thinks, you go out and you have a go and enjoy it and that's all that matters.
For what it's worth hardly anyone I know from any of the livery yards I've been on actually do half of what you do with Raf.

Exactly. The one I was at recently, half the people didn't even ride their horses. Not that I am judging THEM! I am all for people doing whatever they want with their horse so long as that makes them happy, whether that's eventing, hacking, grooming or even just looking at the damn thing in its field! I liked that yard though as I felt a bit like Lucinda Green in comparison with most of the riders there. And trust me, I am really, really not!

 

[Jane&Ziggy]

One thing i love about this forum is that people say, " Look how far you have come with him, that was really well done," rather than "My friend/cousin/YO has a horse that is six times as good at that and rides better than you too".

So well done for coming as far as you have! I envy you even being able to hop and skip through a grid, Ziggy would explode!

 

[Cortrasna]

Well you wouldn't get me jumping a twig in front of anyone, let alone some self proclaimed 'experts'! I dont care how you got over them, but got over them you did, what does it matter the style and finesse, the attitude and guts to have a go is worth all the perfection and polish in the world as far as I am concerned. Sadly the horse world is one of the most judgmental hobbies you could participate in isn't it? I often think other horse owners and riders are more guilty of creating anxious riders and owners out of their 'friends' than any fizzy horse ever was!

 

[Flipo's Mum]

I get this. We have no grand ideas about being the best rider and are happy with what we achieve. I think just sometimes the little competitive side of us comes out when we want to be doing well, its human nature, and its natural to feel a bit intimidated by folk who seem like they're better.
But everyone has nerves. Even the best rider have confidence crisis. Even if they were judging you, that's their business, not yours. Don't project onto them what you think they are thinking when you don't know for sure. Easier said than done but hopefully you see what I'm getting at. Maybe they were thinking something completely different - like 'check out the wifey who has the balls to come back to riding after a long break and have a go at everything - endurance, jumping, etc. on a gorgeous arab.

 

[Mary Poppins]

I think that grids are difficult for some horses to get the hang off. I have only attempted a grid once with Ben during one of my jumping lessons where he galloped over it and bucked me off the other end! You should be proud that you and your horse managed to do it and don't give a second thought to anyone who 'rolls their eyes' at you. What kind of person does that anyway? She must be very insecure about herself to have to pretend that she is so superior to you.

 

[juliecwuk]

oh no reading this I'm having a meltdown thinking they will set up grids at the beginners jumping lesson I'm meant to be doing on tuesday next week!!!! we have never done grids, only ever done a two strides double, never numerous bounce jumps in a grid, oh god I'm going to die

 

[Bodshi]

Aw thanks guys, you make me feel so much better!

Must point out as I don't want to besmirch their characters (they are both really nice people) - they weren't openly criticising me, in fact they were mostly ignoring me - I wasn't even worthy of their attention lol. It was just how I felt. You are quite right FM, although I doubt very much they were thinking anything as good as that - at best it would have been 'look at the old woman giving it a go even though she clearly can't ride and only has an Arab'. Why should I care though? I don't know why I do. I was a bit like a child wanting to impress her parents on sports day! Ridiculous!

Thanks so much everyone for your very positive remarks, you are so right Jane, it is such a supportive forum. Trewsers - that's rotten, why on earth would anyone do that, unless it was to make themselves feel better of course.

And sorry MP, I don't think you falling off is funny at all, but just the way you put it gave me this image of the perfect Ben charging through the grid and it did make me smile just a teeny bit. He must have found it very exciting.

 

[joosie]

Gridwork is great for teaching horses how to think for themselves. In principle your job is to approach the grid correctly, keep the horse straight, and keep them moving forwards - the actual jumping part is up to them. Sounds to me like Raf did a good job of working it all out, considering it was fairly new to him, and you should be proud of yourself for persisting until you got it right.

We have a nice mix of riders on our yard. There's the pro rider, a livery who rides at my boss's standard except her thing is dressage rather than SJ, me and a few liveries who are all more or less the same level, and a couple more liveries who are less experienced. Some of us compete in amateur SJ or dressage, others don't compete at all. What we have in common is that we all have fun with our horses and love them for what they are rather than what they can do. We don't judge each other's riding ability, because it's irrelevant.

I used to find it really difficult riding at the same time as my boss - I felt like a novice compared to her. These days I couldn't care less, partly because I'm used to it now and partly because I know she wouldn't put me on her horses or ask me to school liveries if she didn't think I rode well enough. I also used to feel pretty crap compared to the dressage rider - though she never once said anything about my riding or even seemed to pay attention to it, it was just me being insecure. I once admitted to my boss that riding with Anna made me feel rubbish and my boss was like, "oh yeah me too, all the time!". Everyone who rides will compare themselves to others, it's just natural.

What's interesting is that neither of these people actually SAID anything negative to you – you have DECIDED that they were judging you. I get the impression that you felt inferior before you even began, and that no matter how well your own session went you would have compared it to the other rider's. I think it's a little unfair on the others to assume that they were being judgemental (though I understand where it's coming from) but at the end of the day, what they may or may not have thought of you and Raf doesn't matter anyway. It doesn't take anything away from your relationship with him or the progress you have made, you should have more faith in yourself!

 

[Bodshi]

Thanks Joosie! It's funny what you say about your boss feeling insecure when riding with the dressage rider. On our yard most of us admit to going to pieces when YO is watching, except the girl who rides for her (the one I was sharing the school with the other night) and she makes the YO nervous!

Thanks for the tip about the grid too, I don't feel quite so bad now, after all we did it in the end and Raf was very game and did his best. Thing is although I think I did quite well at keeping him straight I obviously wasn't very good at keeping him forward as he ground to an almost full stop the first time!

I do feel better now though, thanks

 

[sophie33]

Everything has been said really, but I just want to put my tuppance in because I identify so much with what you are saying. Although I don't yet jump my share horse at all so am very impressed with your achievement. And given that Raf was just learning to do a grid I think it is quite likely that your watchers were actually impressed with you for sticking at it and getting him to do it. If they weren't they should have been!
But I identify because I hate riding in front of the 'good' riders on the yard and am always convinced they are looking down on me and wondering why on earth Flick's owner lets me ride her. Maybe some of them are thinking that. I know some of the younger ones cannot comprehend how it is possible to be as nervous and cautious as I am. And it is certainly true that the high-level dressage rider who my friend and I were sharing the arena with was rude to us. She asked Flick's owner (who wasn't riding) why my friend and I were going round the school seperately as if we weren't even there, or weren't capable of speech!
But... most of it is totally in my own head. When I was taking lessons on the school horses with two teenagers I was convinced that their mums, who used to watch, were horsy experts who looking on down on me in the scruffy old riding gear incapable of doing anything. Nothing could have been further from the truth. They were both lovely women who didn't ride at all and if anything were impressed that an old biddy like them was giving it a go. And some of the 'good' riders on my yard are actually the most supportive of my puny efforts.
So I guess I'm saying 'sod em - what does it matter what they think - but also that you might well be wrong about what they think! Oops, sorry I've written a book...